From the womb he came. At first, he ate, slept, wet. But three months later, he had become… the VOMITRON! Projecting his spew through the air – to land on the unsuspecting parent. No t-shirt is safe, no jumper provides protection from… the VOMITRON!
I went to the PC show last week. That’s one of the perks of being a "computer professional" – you get to go to a big building, walk around for a couple of hours with your friends having brochures stuffed in your face, then go and claim it on your time-sheet. The PC show is ... [More]
Automatic doors. What an innovation. Above them, the sensor waits for people to come along. It lights up when it detects someone, and the doors open, generally just a tad late, so you end up slowing down in anticipation of them opening. I’ve been playing with the ones at work. Playing "Chicken" with them. As ... [More]
Is it me, or are car advertisements getting exceedingly wanky? It must be a difficult job, trying to convince people to part with thirty-odd thousand dollars of their hard-earned cash. So what do they come up with? There’s the Jeep ad. Love the jingle. Dum da da da da… But this image of the suited ... [More]
Do people still discourage their kids from smoking by saying "it’ll stunt your growth"? Because I don’t think it’ll work. For one thing, I know a guy who smokes and is about nine feet tall. (Hi Andrew). No, I think honesty is the best policy. "It’ll give you cancer, son", I’ll say. "It’ll give you ... [More]
How has the West let this happen? Surely only a complete moron with absolutely no brain whatsoever could not have foreseen it… How did the conversations in the governments of Europe go? "So, what is your plan for Bosnia? How will you keep all these people who hate each other’s guts from killing each other?" ... [More]
What’s the deal in the Taiwanese parliament? Twice last week they got into punch-ups during debates. Do they really believe that beating each other up will help win the debate? "Well Mr Speaker, although the motion of the Agriculture Minister can’t possibly be passed on economic or ecological grounds, since his left hook is so ... [More]
Just something I’ve noticed… Why have our tram conductors started wearing high visibility jackets? Even during the day? With "MET TRAM" emblazoned across the back. Who do they think they are, FBI Agents? Armed Response Police? "Stand aside please citizens, MET TRAM coming through! All right, nobody move! Freeze scumbags! Tickets please!" Maybe it’s to ... [More]
There was a time in my life when I used to use the 7-11 regularly. It’s now a distant memory of days when I was so much less organised. Those days when I nearly always forgot to get something from the supermarket while it was open. Of course, now the supermarkets are all open until ... [More]
The thing that’s been on everybody’s lips this week has been the decision of the French government to resume nuclear bomb testing in the South-Pacific. Reaction has been swift, with at least one group starting up firebomb testing at the French embassy in Perth. But the French Government continue to refuse to reconsider on the ... [More]
If you wondered, the baby’s doing well. Little Isaac is settling pretty nicely into his new life. Six weeks old and he knows exactly how to get food and a cuddle: Make noise. I haven’t got the heart to tell him it doesn’t work like that throughout life. He’s growing well, though his hair still ... [More]
Baby’s diary. Woke up. I was hungry, so I asked for my food. The foolish parents ignored this, going to the trouble of changing my perfectly good pants. And I’d just made them nice and wet, too! They wouldn’t stop changing me, no matter how much I complained. They change me before giving me my ... [More]