What’s the deal in the Taiwanese parliament? Twice last week they got into punch-ups during debates. Do they really believe that beating each other up will help win the debate? "Well Mr Speaker, although the motion of the Agriculture Minister can’t possibly be passed on economic or ecological grounds, since his left hook is so ... [More]
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The guys from MET TRAM
Just something I’ve noticed… Why have our tram conductors started wearing high visibility jackets? Even during the day? With "MET TRAM" emblazoned across the back. Who do they think they are, FBI Agents? Armed Response Police? "Stand aside please citizens, MET TRAM coming through! All right, nobody move! Freeze scumbags! Tickets please!" Maybe it’s to ... [More]
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Memories of the 7-11
There was a time in my life when I used to use the 7-11 regularly. It’s now a distant memory of days when I was so much less organised. Those days when I nearly always forgot to get something from the supermarket while it was open. Of course, now the supermarkets are all open until ... [More]
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French nuclear tests
The thing that’s been on everybody’s lips this week has been the decision of the French government to resume nuclear bomb testing in the South-Pacific. Reaction has been swift, with at least one group starting up firebomb testing at the French embassy in Perth. But the French Government continue to refuse to reconsider on the ... [More]
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Isaac’s progress
If you wondered, the baby’s doing well. Little Isaac is settling pretty nicely into his new life. Six weeks old and he knows exactly how to get food and a cuddle: Make noise. I haven’t got the heart to tell him it doesn’t work like that throughout life. He’s growing well, though his hair still ... [More]
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Diary of an average Australian baby
Baby’s diary. Woke up. I was hungry, so I asked for my food. The foolish parents ignored this, going to the trouble of changing my perfectly good pants. And I’d just made them nice and wet, too! They wouldn’t stop changing me, no matter how much I complained. They change me before giving me my ... [More]
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Video tapes
It’s time to admit that I too many video tapes. Far too many. So many, in fact, that it’s too much of an effort to count them so I can tell you how many there are. It’s… it’s… somewhere around the region of… um… 300. Yes, three hundred. <DEFENSIVE MODE> Look, I don’t know how ... [More]
Why do some sinks in toilets have two separate taps that come out on different sides of the sink? So to wash your hands, you either have to freeze them, burn them, or move them rapidly between taps, resulting in what is very much a half-burnt, half-frozen hands situation. One could, of course, find the ... [More]
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Useless information in my brain
It’s strange the useless information that floats around in the brain, remaining there even though it (a) hasn’t been used for years, and (b) is entirely useless anyway. For instance, floating around in my brain, weaving its way in and out and around the first seventy-five digits of pi (don’t ask), is the fact that ... [More]
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Challenge of the year
We face possibly the biggest challenge of the year in the coming week. Forget moving house. Forget the baby’s arrival. We have to tidy the desk. A new computer is coming. Yep, a multimedia Pentium system, which should be state of the art for at least 15 minutes. It’s been a good 10 years since ... [More]
My mother is a pauser. On the phone to her, those moments of silence which at a party would spell instant death are commonplace. But you can tell I work in computers; all I can think about is the wasted bandwidth. An open line, between her place and mine. Broadcasting static. What a waste. (My ... [More]
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Winter and spies
The winter has arrived in Australia. Well, okay, so those of you in the northern states probably haven’t even noticed. But we down here in Melbourne certainly have, I can tell you. I’m glad I’ve already had my winter haircut. If I have a haircut after it starts to get cold, for the first few ... [More]