So, France has detonated second nuclear bomb. Six point something on the Richter scale. That poor bastard Richter. Imagine inventing something that meant for the rest of time your name would always be associated with bad news. A week or two back it was found that New Zealand couldn’t challenge France over the nuclear tests, ... [More]
Now I think I know what Jonathon Ross was on about when he talked about his baby daughter producing "the Exxon Valdez of poo". Yesterday we got to experience this for ourselves. My son Isaac had been saving his up. Saving it for a day and a half, in fact. There was tons of it ... [More]
I went to the Billy Connolly concert last night, and he’s reminded me a funny story that is absolutely true. I’ll do a quick grep through the files to make sure I haven’t told you this before. Because I don’t like to be repetitive if I can help it. Do I? No, I don’t. Don’t ... [More]
So let me get this straight. Is this what happened? Have I got this right? Russian military fails to pay power bill Power plant sends three red notices, then cuts off power The power in question is used to cool nuclear submarines Submarine commander realises if power isn’t turned back on, subs will go into ... [More]
Hello… hello, Earth to Ian Leslie. Come in Ian Leslie, former Sixty Minutes Reporter. Leslie, your cover’s blown. After ads for Woolworths, electricity privatisation and ANZ Bank, everyone has realised you’re not really a journalist anymore… come in Leslie… [My spelling checker wanted to change "ANZ" to "NAZI"]
As I write this, the French are detonating nuclear bombs in the Pacific. And so, this week’s moron of the week is Jacques Chirac, who has defied world opinion and common sense, and gone ahead with the first of the new series of French nuclear tests. Why? Well, no-one’s really sure. Actually, today we saw ... [More]
Hands up how many of you have babies. Have you seen the Jolly Jumper? For those not familiar with it, it’s a kind of thing that attaches the baby to the door jamb by a spring, and allows a baby who can’t yet walk (or even crawl) to bounce around. We got one on Saturday. ... [More]
Yesterday it was my birthday. 25. Twenty-five. Middle of my twenties. Yikes. The long, thin candles were spread over the top of the cake, making it look like a close-up from a shaver commercial. "The first filter shaves incredibly close… the second even closer!" Had a little family get-together. You know, nothing too fancy, don’t ... [More]
So, Windows 95 is out. Yep, August the 24th, the big day, came and went, without a whimper of hype or advertising. Not! But you won’t see me complaining about the hype. Nope. Not me. I like the hype surrounding Windows 95. I like the Rolling Stones jingle, I like the advert, I like the ... [More]
From the womb he came. At first, he ate, slept, wet. But three months later, he had become… the VOMITRON! Projecting his spew through the air – to land on the unsuspecting parent. No t-shirt is safe, no jumper provides protection from… the VOMITRON!
I went to the PC show last week. That’s one of the perks of being a "computer professional" – you get to go to a big building, walk around for a couple of hours with your friends having brochures stuffed in your face, then go and claim it on your time-sheet. The PC show is ... [More]
Automatic doors. What an innovation. Above them, the sensor waits for people to come along. It lights up when it detects someone, and the doors open, generally just a tad late, so you end up slowing down in anticipation of them opening. I’ve been playing with the ones at work. Playing "Chicken" with them. As ... [More]