Sewing mystifies me. And I think it’s something genetic. Because whenever I find myself in a sewing shop – Spotlight, Lincraft, any of those shops I never even knew existed before I got married – I see the pattern. The genetic pattern of behaviour. Women who go to these shops know where everything is. Instantly. ... [More]
Why do people jaywalk? Time and time again, I find myself waiting at the crossing like a responsible citizen (and trying to get in the habit of setting a good example for my son), waiting for the little green man to appear. Someone else will judge the traffic carefully, and sprint across the road, breaking ... [More]
So, it’s finally happened. I never thought I’d be the victim. I thought it would never happen to me. But I’ve finally become another helpless statistic in the vicious wave of crime sweeping our city. My bike got stolen. I noticed it on Saturday – ironically, the day the local police station were having a ... [More]
So, France has detonated second nuclear bomb. Six point something on the Richter scale. That poor bastard Richter. Imagine inventing something that meant for the rest of time your name would always be associated with bad news. A week or two back it was found that New Zealand couldn’t challenge France over the nuclear tests, ... [More]
So let me get this straight. Is this what happened? Have I got this right? Russian military fails to pay power bill Power plant sends three red notices, then cuts off power The power in question is used to cool nuclear submarines Submarine commander realises if power isn’t turned back on, subs will go into ... [More]
Yesterday it was my birthday. 25. Twenty-five. Middle of my twenties. Yikes. The long, thin candles were spread over the top of the cake, making it look like a close-up from a shaver commercial. "The first filter shaves incredibly close… the second even closer!" Had a little family get-together. You know, nothing too fancy, don’t ... [More]
Automatic doors. What an innovation. Above them, the sensor waits for people to come along. It lights up when it detects someone, and the doors open, generally just a tad late, so you end up slowing down in anticipation of them opening. I’ve been playing with the ones at work. Playing "Chicken" with them. As ... [More]
Is it me, or are car advertisements getting exceedingly wanky? It must be a difficult job, trying to convince people to part with thirty-odd thousand dollars of their hard-earned cash. So what do they come up with? There’s the Jeep ad. Love the jingle. Dum da da da da… But this image of the suited ... [More]
Do people still discourage their kids from smoking by saying "it’ll stunt your growth"? Because I don’t think it’ll work. For one thing, I know a guy who smokes and is about nine feet tall. (Hi Andrew). No, I think honesty is the best policy. "It’ll give you cancer, son", I’ll say. "It’ll give you ... [More]
It’s strange the useless information that floats around in the brain, remaining there even though it (a) hasn’t been used for years, and (b) is entirely useless anyway. For instance, floating around in my brain, weaving its way in and out and around the first seventy-five digits of pi (don’t ask), is the fact that ... [More]
Well, today it happens – all phone numbers in my little part of the world, Melbourne, grow by a digit. A nine in front of every one. The government’s communications authority, Austel, claim it’s all to allow more phones, better services – all the usual stuff that Austel usually claim. But is that the real ... [More]
Just went on a St John first aid course. And just to show you that you’d be in perfectly good hands if you collapsed in the street in front of me, here’s an ever so slightly modified version of their drill. Just remember the letters: LCPAH. (It makes it easier if you think of a ... [More]