My mother is a pauser. On the phone to her, those moments of silence which at a party would spell instant death are commonplace. But you can tell I work in computers; all I can think about is the wasted bandwidth. An open line, between her place and mine. Broadcasting static. What a waste. (My ... [More]
Category: Home life
Categories
The manual
They often say that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I discovered during the birth that this is not entirely true. Attached to the placenta was the following leaflet: CONGRATULATIONS on the delivery of your new BABY-1000 CRYING MACHINE. The BABY-1000 is programmed to be easy to use and care for. Use this chart ... [More]
Categories
Birth report
Okay, I know you’ve all been waiting to hear about this. Well okay, so a few of you have shown a passing interest. All right, so one person asked when it happened. Here’s the birth report. I’m not completely knowledgable on all the correct terminology, so forgive me if it sounds a little muddled. It ... [More]
Categories
Imminent arrival
Okay, it’s Sunday night. I spurn the Eurovision Song Contest and pump up the Led Zeppelin. I wipe the screen with my promotional DHL static wipe thing, and sit down at the keyboard. But am I inspired? To be honest, no. Actually, it’s lucky that I made it. With the baby almost overdue(*), it’s impossible ... [More]
Categories
An astonishing week
It’s been what you might call an unusual week for me. Please allow me to tell you all about it. ASTONISHING EVENT #1. I really thought it would never happen. I thought it was the kind of thing that only happened on TV shows where the main character was 35 weeks pregnant. But it really ... [More]
I’m holding, in my other hand(*), a box of twine. What strange stuff, twine. It must come from a twine factory. I wonder how many people work there. And what they say at parties when people ask them what they do. "Oh well… I make twine. Yeah, you know how when you get the packet, ... [More]