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The manual

They often say that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I discovered during the birth that this is not entirely true. Attached to the placenta was the following leaflet:

CONGRATULATIONS on the delivery of your new BABY-1000 CRYING MACHINE.

The BABY-1000 is programmed to be easy to use and care for. Use this chart as a guide to how to operate your BABY. Basic interaction with your BABY-1000 is highlighted in green:

Additional interaction can take place, such as talking to the BABY-1000, gazing at it lovingly, and swapping stories with other owners of the BABY-1000.

By Daniel Bowen

Transport blogger / campaigner and spokesperson for the Public Transport Users Association / professional geek.
Bunurong land, Melbourne, Australia.
Opinions on this blog are all mine.