I have made a terrible mistake. I have screwed up mightily. I have jeopardised the entire nation’s future, and placed future generations at risk. I have filled in the Census form a week too early. I should have read it properly. I got as far as reading that it had to be filled in on ... [More]
I’m not normally the biggest sports fan around, but the Olympics has got me interested. It’s not been hard to get interested in the last few days, with Australia picking up swags of medals. Makes up for the pathetic performance of the first few days. Now as of the time of writing we’re ranking seventh ... [More]
Another office re-organisation looms at work. It means I’ll sit at the fourth – or is it fifth – desk in less than two years. Even now I can see the high level managers in a boardroom somewhere with a chess board-like diagram of the building, moving pieces around, deciding which departments move to other ... [More]
Writing letters to relatives can be a chore. It depends on the relative of course, but occasionally you can be stuck for something to say. "What can I mention to Aunt Netty… no, she wouldn’t understand any of that… that would give her a heart attack… and if I mention that she’ll be writing back ... [More]
We found out that our local newsagent’s name is Hercules. Just as well, given how bulky the Saturday papers are. Speaking of Hercules, have you clocked that show about Hercules? I haven’t actually watched it – I think I can tell how awful it is just from watching the commercials. Okay, so historical (or mythological) ... [More]
An exercise bike has arrived in our house. It sits there in the corner of the room, just daring you to get on and burn some fat. Once you climb on and start pedalling, it lets you know how far and how fast you’d be going if you weren’t going nowhere. It also lets you ... [More]
Have you ever worked with someone whose sense of humour is off at a tangent to everyone else’s? The kind of person who thinks that Dilbert cartoon on the noticeboard is funny – not because of the cartoon itself, but the fact that it’s written by someone called Scott, and there’s also a guy called ... [More]
Last year we got a new vaccuum cleaner. The interesting thing about it is the lack of retractable cord. It’s as if the designers said "right! That’s it! We know everybody’s sick of retractable cords that don’t work. Oh sure, they whiz back away for the first few months, but then they slow down and ... [More]
Reading through the Trading Post over the weekend, a few of the ads struck me as a trifle suspect. See what you think: Infrared & low light hand held night scope, Israeli made, suit surveillance or hobbyist $750 Hobbyist?! Just what kind of hobby requires a hand held night scope?! Only one really comes to ... [More]
We’re attempting a major clear out of the spare room. Okay, so I’m willing to admit that it’s quite possible that the natural state of the spare room is to be messy. But this messy? What would my mother say? (Yes mum, that’s why it’s always locked and bolted shut.) That ten year old Melways ... [More]
So, Daniel, we heard you just splashed out on more memory for your computer. Yep, it’s got 24Mb now. More than enough for anybody. At least until next week. Ha, you’re not getting me into one of those Bill Gates quotes… Why’d you spend the money? Makes it faster. When you’re typing up Toxic Custard… ... [More]
About a month ago the local council finally replaced our horrible grotty looking bottle and can recycle bags with nice new small bins. They came with a notice explaining what to put in them, and when to leave them out. Great – though most of our neighbours apparently haven’t got the energy to figure it ... [More]
Our neighbour lost his electricity tonight. This shouldn’t have been totally unexpected – he had asked to get the account switched over to him after his flatmate moved out on the weekend, so it was only natural that they should cut the power off instead. So he rang them up, and after several millennia on ... [More]
We all have had strange beliefs about how the world works. When I was a kid, I naturally used to dread the unwanted fart. Especially at school, while in class. But inevitably it would squeeze its way out. So I hit upon a plan to prevent the people around me from getting the whiff. Easy. ... [More]
I have a bit of a problem with my alarm clock. It doesn’t go off at the right time. It doesn’t seem to understand that in the morning, I want to be woken up ten to fifteen minutes later than when I said I wanted to be woken up the night before.
Interesting stats in the newspaper last week. Apparently of the 70 victims of mass-killings in Australia and New Zealand between 1987 and 1993, 84% of them were killed by lunatics using legally owned guns. Well! That’s a relief, isn’t it! ‘Cos I’d hate to be gunned down by a lunatic who WASN’T allowed to be ... [More]