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"I can’t feel my legs"

Went to a bit of a buck’s night on Saturday. A bit of a pub crawl through the city. There was one casualty of the evening, and it all happened before we even started! By the time we were in the restaurant chowing down some delicious Mongolian food, our missing comrade had already managed to get himself into a pub brawl, get thrown through a window, and rang from Epworth Hospital to say that he wouldn’t be able to make it.

“Chris”, we told him, “you might at least have waited for us before you started!”

In any case, we carried on, discovering along the way that if somebody published a pub-crawlers map of Melbourne, it would have made things a lot easier. We were only able to find two between the restaurant and Southbank.

It was just after ten when we reached the second pub, the venerable Young & Jacksons. We noticed that the final Hey Hey was running overtime, with Daryl “Rand McNally” Somers and crew obviously having scoured the tape archives for classic gems. Us in the pub were reminiscing, harking back to the good old days when Hey Hey was on in the mornings on Saturday after the Thunderbirds.

By the time we reached Southbank, Brian, the buck in question, was well sloshed, at times giggling uncontrollably, and having some difficulty in walking because he couldn’t feel his legs.

Eventually we reached Barcode, a fine establishment where one can partake in both alcohol and video games. Even though Brian claimed he couldn’t feel his legs and said there was a two second delay before his brain registered that an event had happened, he managed to win at Daytona, which was a pretty good effort.

By about 1:30am everyone was pretty stuffed. Alas, Chris was still indisposed and unable to carry out his plan to paint Brian’s private parts with permanent inks, so instead we joined the taxi queues outside Crown for a ride home.

Postscript: It turns out that another person who was expected on the night had an even better excuse that Chris: A crystal ball placed on his window sill caught the sun’s rays, and set fire to his house.

By Daniel Bowen

Transport blogger / campaigner and spokesperson for the Public Transport Users Association / professional geek.
Bunurong land, Melbourne, Australia.
Opinions on this blog are all mine.