Morons on the road


Don’t beep at me. I can see the green light. But I can also see the traffic banked up on the other side of the intersection.

I know it’s really hard because the switch is so awkwardly placed, such a long way from your hands on the steering wheel, but fer chrissake use your indicators!

Don’t tailgate me. I’m going at the speed limit. I’m not going to speed because you’re in a hurry.

Look, if you don’t know where you’re going, don’t keep driving slowly down the road while you try to look at the Melway. Pull over.

Get off the smegging phone, you moron.

Not surprised to read this: Hummer Drivers Get More Tickets. A Lot More., given I spotted one lady zooming down Kingsway recently, in a Hummer with personalised licence plates, happy jabbering away on the phone.

By Daniel Bowen

Transport blogger / campaigner and spokesperson for the Public Transport Users Association / professional geek.
Bunurong land, Melbourne, Australia.
Opinions on this blog are all mine.

13 replies on “Morons”

Don’t toot me when I fail to take off fast enough after the boom gates go up. I will only take even longer. I might even do the right thing and wait until the lights stop flashing…

Don’t abuse me when, in a narrow street with no parking signs on one side which ANOTHER vehicle has ignored and parked opposite me (I’m parked on the permitted side), you have have to wait 2 minutes to get past while I strap my three children into their carseats.

My favourite (when I did drive) was the morons who tooted at me to drive through a pedestrian crossing full of people, which happened so often they’ve had to put in traffic lights to curb the near misses!

Not the infamous “Wheel of Death” Haymarket roundabout (Flemington/Royal Pde/Elizabeth St)??
That one, observing the traffic lights seem to be optional for many drivers, or waiting until the peds cross -then- proceeding against the red, as if you would do that anywhere else.

Was driving back to Aberdeen from Arbroath last night, and a gaggle of neds in their Nedwagon (Vauxhall Corsa 1.2) did an illegal U-Turn through from one side of the dual carriageway, narrowly missing the car in front of mine.

They then proceeded to chug along at 50 MPH, which forced the car in front of mine to slow down (and therefore, me to slow down).

I overtook both the car in front, and the Nedwagon, and settled in to my previous cruising at 70 MPH (the national limit in the UK on a dual-carriageway road).

The Nedwagon then shoots past me – how a 1.2 Corsa got to 95 MPH with 4 neds in it I will never know – pulls sharply in front of me with almost no room to spare (fingers flicking the V-sign all the way), and then less than a minute later, pulls into a petrol station, hardly even touching the brake the whole way round. Were they that desperate for petrol that they cut me off and floored it towards the pumps?


Dave, my friend calls that the “Welcome to Melbourne” roundabout. Not so relevant now that there’s Citylink, but back in the day, it was like a test for visitor’s coming from the airport. I still fall prey to it’s evilness…

When being tailgated, the correct response is to slow down so the the inevitable collision is a low velocity one. Just take your foot off the accelerator and let the speed glide down until the separation is the requisite two seconds.

There are a lot of morons on the road and this is increasing as the population gets dumbed down each year.

What has annoyed me lately, I work across the street from a police station, there is a no parking zone which allows cars outside the station to pass each other if they are turning in different directions at a “T” intersection, always has an unmarked police car parked in it. The station also has an exit from it’s underground parking with it’s own traffic light, It’s very rare to see a police man/woman wait for the green light. A law unto themselves :-(

re: Hummers.

Somehow, I don’t think the chance of getting a fine of any kind would worry a Hummer driver.
The fact they chose to drive one says “Clearly, I don’t give a fig about anyone else. Fines? Other road users? Pfft! I fart in their general direction!”

I had one tailgate me on Citylink recently. He got extremely annoyed when, clearly, I wasn’t impressed nor cowed by his show. I sat on the speed limit, he sat on my backside, for quite a few kilometres.
Until, what should I spy but the flashing lights of an unmarked police car.
Hummer-boy was pulled over, I turned up Powderfinger and continued happily on my way.

I knew then that there IS a God of tailgatees!

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