SpagBol

Simmering away… and very useful as a sundial, too. If you look too carefully, you’ll see spotlets of it on the wall – the product of careless stirring. A vital ingredient if you can’t be bothered doing all the little fiddly bits yourself: Mr Newman. (I hope the cheque’s in the mail) Mmmmmmm… SpagBol….

Most people would agree that spaghetti bolognaise is just about the easiest meal anybody can cook. It ranks just slightly above boiled eggs and toast in complexity, probably because you can basically throw the ingredients into the pan in almost any old order, and it’ll turn out edible. This makes it the ideal meal for me, and today, I cooked a batch. Here’s my recipe.

Ingredients:

• Premium mince – about $6-7 worth… or about a kilogram in the old scale
• Big jar of Paul Newman’s Sockarooni sauce
• About 3 tomatoes – more if you can be bothered
• An onion – my sister recommends brown, but white seems to be okay
• Some olive oil
• Pasta of your choice – I reckon Angel Hair spaghetti is brilliant
• Some grated cheese. Traditionalists may prefer Parmesan, but for me, nothing goes past Coon
  – delicious. (Before the PC police pounce, it’s named after its inventor: Dr E W Coon).

Method:

• This step is vital: Get all the stuff listed above from the supermarket
• Get out your biggest frying pan and start heating it up. Bung the olive oil on
• Peel and chop up the onion. Try not to let the tears stream down your face if there’s anybody you want to impress around
• Put the onion in the pan and let it get brown (or browner, if it’s already brown)
• While that’s going, chop up the tomatoes
• When the onion looks like it might be getting bored, put the meat in with it. Mush it up a bit and let it cook for a few minutes
• Pour Paul Newman all over it, and the tomato on top
• Pump up the Powderfinger really loud on the stereo, and let it simmer for a while (the sauce, not the CD), stirring when you feel like it
• The longer the simmer, the better. An hour or two is good; a couple of days would be brilliant, I reckon. Perhaps go and write out a recipe while you’re waiting
• When you can’t wait any longer, cook the pasta, throw it all in an enormous dish with the sauce, put some grated cheese over it, then let your mouth rejoice in tastebud heaven
• Any leftovers, chuck into a container and pop in the freezer 
• If your pan was overflowing (like mine was), be prepared to clean the stove, and the wall behind it…