We all have had strange beliefs about how the world works. When I was a kid, I naturally used to dread the unwanted fart. Especially at school, while in class. But inevitably it would squeeze its way out. So I hit upon a plan to prevent the people around me from getting the whiff. Easy. ... [More]
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Alarm clock problem
I have a bit of a problem with my alarm clock. It doesn’t go off at the right time. It doesn’t seem to understand that in the morning, I want to be woken up ten to fifteen minutes later than when I said I wanted to be woken up the night before.
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Mass killings
Interesting stats in the newspaper last week. Apparently of the 70 victims of mass-killings in Australia and New Zealand between 1987 and 1993, 84% of them were killed by lunatics using legally owned guns. Well! That’s a relief, isn’t it! ‘Cos I’d hate to be gunned down by a lunatic who WASN’T allowed to be ... [More]
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Seeing into the future
I’m not a particularly mystical person. I’m not really sure what I believe in – God, the afterlife, all that stuff. I don’t know. Uncommitted. But I’ll tell you one thing – there’s something going on out there. Must be. Without trying to get into anything too deep and meaningful, think about the universe. The ... [More]
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Souffle attempt 2 / Ants Bros
A couple of weeks ago the saga of the attempted souffle hit the virtual airwaves. Well, I’ve had another go. And although it didn’t rise far enough to look as impressive as in the cook book, the result of this weekend’s culinary experiments did indeed result in what could be described as a souffle. That, ... [More]
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Ants Bros?!
Have you ever found a piece of paper, just a scrap, a post-it note, whatever, upon which was written, in your own writing, something you could make absolutely no sense of? I found just such an object while digging through the kitchen the other week. A scrap of paper, upon which was written, in what ... [More]
I’ve been reading over the past couple of weeks how the Duchess Of Fergie is in debt – the estimates being between two and six million dollars. In the course of this discussion, let us go with the lowest of the two amounts. $2 million?! TWO MILLION DOLLARS? How the hell do you get $2 ... [More]
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Souffle
Sunday I spent the evening at a barbecue… standing around the hot plate in the park with the blokes swatting flies and talking about beer – ah, you can’t get much more AUSTRALIAN and MANLY than that! But Saturday found me in another of my occasional attempts at cooking dinner. Another attempt to provide for ... [More]
We’re expecting our hall carpet to get replaced soon. Yep, the landlady’s finally doing something about all the worn carpet. Originally the plan had been for it to be stretched. It would happen shortly after we moved in, we were told. The guy would come, his carpet stretching equipment (which resembles props from the torture ... [More]
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Sprained ankle
I have sprained my ankle. Now, I’d like to claim that this was during some great activity – a national sporting event, paragliding, bungee jumping, rodeo, bullfighting, base jumping, something of that stretches the human physique to its limits. But no. I sprained my ankle getting off a bus. It’s the bus driver I blame. ... [More]
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Bad Christmas poetry
Prepare for bad poetry. This is what I wanted for Christmas… (*I got these) A vacuum cleaner that doesn’t drown out the telly Self-changing nappies that don’t end up smelly Price tags that come off without a fight * Neighbours who don’t blare loud music at night Disks that don’t self destruct with my data ... [More]
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The bill
Following on from my previous call to my old mobile phone company telling them I was disconnecting, I got this, a bill for three cents: Rather than spend forty-five cents sending them a cheque, I gleefully rang them at their own expense on their Freecall number to have a good laugh. They most generously said ... [More]